In their article published in July 2020, Our World Data posits that “the proportion of people who are getting married is going down in many countries across the world”. Marriage can be a beautiful journey, full of love, laughter, and shared experiences. For that to happen, there is a need for effort, understanding, and commitment to navigate the inevitable challenges that come with it. If not handled well, a marriage can disintegrate into so many ugly things, among them, divorce. Divorce, and indeed any other serious marital issues, do not affect the husband and wife only. The whole family is affected, and sometimes the surrounding community members suffer too.

A whole book can be written on the negative physical, psychological, emotional and all the other -al effects that a sour marriage can lead to. This article focuses on how to make a marriage last long.  It is not the complete manuscript of how to stay married, but it highlights some of the most important ingredients necessary to make a marriage last long.

Realize that Communication is Key

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a strong marriage. Be sure to share your thoughts, feelings, and dreams with each other all the time. Yes, all the time and not sometimes. It does not matter if the thoughts and feelings are not positive. Your partner needs to know so that they can help or encourage you, depending. Look for ways and perfect opportunities to initiate difficult conversations between the two of you.

You also should be a good listener and create a safe space for vulnerability for your partner. Neither of you should judge the other’s feelings. Rather seek to understand where they could be originating from.

Spend Quality Time Together

In the hustle and bustle of life, it’s important to prioritize quality time with your spouse. I never knew the importance of such until I was well in my late thirties when I began to spend more and more time with my husband just binge-watching movies during the weekends and scarcely doing anything else. It felt and still feels so good that I look forward to free weekends every time so we can just chill and bond. You can also plan regular date nights, engage in shared hobbies, in addition to simply enjoying each other’s company without distractions.  

Spending time together helps bring you together physically and emotionally. It gives you opportunities to know some of the most intricate details about each other. This involves both of you knowing which buttons to push on your partner, and to what extent. A common cause of break-ups between loved ones is frustration resulting from ignorance of the other person’s tolerance threshold. Spending some quality time together can hence help marriages to last long.

Show Affection and Appreciation

You should never underestimate the power of small gestures of love and appreciation. Express your love through the following ways:

Words: Every human being craves to be loved and to be explicitly told that they are cherished. Do not assume that your partner knows that you love them so there is no need to constantly remind them. Let your partner know what you love about them and be sincere about it always.

Physical touch: Another powerful way of showing love is through physical touch. Holding hands, cuddling and hugging your partner often will create a bond between you that would not ordinarily exist between non-physical couples. Note that not all people like to be touched all the time, especially in public places, so you need to study your partner and be moderate in the amount and frequency of touching involved.

Acts of kindness. Be kind to your spouse all the time. My husband and I never forget to be kind to each other, even when we are in the midst of a conflict. Acts of kindness can vary from simple things like passing them the remote when they are lying comfortably on the couch, to driving them to the mall when they need something and do not feel like driving themselves. There are many opportunities to show kindness to your partner every day, and such acts do not go unnoticed. They are the little deposits that you make into your bank of love, and they may help make a marriage last long.

Let your spouse know how much you value and appreciate them. In a world where different people express love differently, identify your own love language and let your spouse know without a doubt that you love them unconditionally and completely.

Maintain Respect and Trust

Mutual respect and trust are essential for a healthy marriage. I can never over-emphasize the value of these two values in any type of association. Respect each other’s opinions, even when you disagree. A lack of respect for your partner is the main gateway to all the other bad things that can worm their way into your marriage. If you do not have respect for the other person, you can easily cheat on them, disregard their feelings, and be mean to them in all possible ways. Be honest and transparent with each other to build and maintain trust. Complete trust nurtures vulnerability with each other, a very important ingredient for making a marriage last long.

Support Each Other’s Growth

Encourage and support each other’s personal and professional growth. Be your partner’s cheer leader. Always celebrate your spouse’s successes and strive to be there for them during challenging times. People are almost always likely to stick to the people who stay by their side in times of difficulties. As they say, a friend in need is a friend indeed. Granted-: some people can easily forget the people that were with them when every other person had disserted them. However, if they easily forget your availability and sacrifices towards them and leave you, it means they were never meant to be with you in the first place. Embrace your loss. You win some and you lose some. The bottom line is you should help your partner to grow and flourish in all areas of their life that make them satisfied.

A happy partner is unlikely focus on the negative energies that may come from you at some points in your life together. They are also more amenable to tolerating your weaknesses, helping your marriage to last long.

Foster a spirit of Forgiveness and Understanding

Everyone makes mistakes. Learn to forgive each other and let go of grudges. I understand that it depends on the gravity of the situation, but you can still forgive and choose not to forget. I forgave my husband for cheating, after being on a separation for a full year. It was not an easy decision to make.

However, I weighed the pros and cons of divorcing him and concluded that I was better off making amends with him than starting off with another man. That was one of the best decisions of my life. Now we are happy together, growing old together and raising our daughter in an atmosphere of love. It depends on what you go through but if you can find it in your heart to forgive, do so. If the other person is repentant, it is a worthwhile move. Practice empathy and try to understand each other’s perspectives. You are different individuals, and you see things differently. Be tolerant.

Keep the Romance Alive

Don’t let the romance fade away. Continue to court each other, surprise each other, and keep the spark alive. There are several ideas you can come up with depending on both your interests. Consider taking a day or two away from home if you have kids. Ask your family to take care of them for you as you go away to be with each other in a different setting. Do not let the flirting fade off with age.

Strive to remain the man or woman they fell in love with at the beginning, not physically of course, but in every other way possible. People tend to relax and feel like they have ‘arrived’ when they get married, but marriage is actually the beginning of a lot of work and sacrifices towards a blissful union. Those who do not make efforts to keep the flame alive usually find themselves stuck in a boring association which they eventually walk away from. You want your marriage to last long? Keep that fire burning!

Seek Help When Needed

Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you’re facing difficulties in your marriage. A therapist or counselor can provide guidance and support to help you navigate challenges and strengthen your relationship.

However, your partner should be the first to hear your concerns and worries before involving third parties.

Remember, a successful marriage is not about finding the perfect partner, but about two imperfect people learning to love and grow together. Take time to reflect on your own union and find opportunities to incorporate some of the above ideas and watch your relationship flourish.

Until next time, stay in love!!!

Your turn…

What are your own opinions about what makes any marriage stand the test of time? Let’s discuss in the comment section below…

References

1. Ortiz-Ospina, E., & Roser, M. (2023). Marriages and divorces. Our World in Data.